Advice to Women

by, Eunice de Souza

Keep cats

if you want to learn to cope with

the otherness of lovers.

Otherness is not always neglect -

Cats return to their litter trays

when they need to.

Don't cuss out of the window

at their enemies.

That stare of perpetual surprise

in those great green eyes

will teach you

to die alone.

Author:

Eunice de Souza (1940–2017) was an Indian poet, novelist, and academic known for her sharp, satirical writing and feminist themes. A professor at St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai, she played a key role in shaping Indian English poetry. Her works, including Fix, Women in Dutch Painting, advice to women and the novel Dangerlok, explore gender, patriarchy, and middle-class life with wit and defiance.  

Through her poetry and fiction, she challenged societal norms and encouraged women to question authority, embrace their individuality, and reject societal expectations that limit their freedom. Her work serves as a reminder for women to carve their own paths and speak their minds fearlessly.

Line by Line Explanation:

Here is "Advice to Women" by Eunice de Souza's Line-by-Line Explanation:

"Keep cats

if you want to learn to cope with

the otherness of lovers."

Explanation: The poet suggests that keeping cats can teach women how to deal with the "otherness" (unpredictability and independence) of their lovers. Cats are independent, sometimes affectionate, sometimes distant—just like lovers. By observing cats, women can learn to accept emotional detachment in relationships instead of expecting constant affection.

" Otherness is not always neglect –

Cats return to their litter trays

when they need to."

Explanation: Here, the poet clarifies that "otherness" (a partner’s emotional distance) does not necessarily mean neglect. Just like cats return to their litter trays out of necessity, lovers may come back when they need comfort or stability. The poet uses this comparison to suggest that women should not expect constancy in love but should instead accept that people, like cats, have their own needs and habits.

"Don’t cuss out of the window

at their enemies."

Explanation: This line advises women not to waste energy defending their lovers against enemies or conflicts. It suggests that women should not involve themselves too much in their partner’s problems or react aggressively to situations that do not directly concern them. This could be a commentary on how women are often expected to take emotional responsibility for their relationships.

"That stare of perpetual surprise

in those great green eyes

will teach you

to die alone."

Explanation: The poem ends on a striking note. The "stare of perpetual surprise" refers to the way cats often look indifferent or unaffected by their surroundings. The poet implies that by observing this detachment, women can learn to be independent and accept solitude. "To die alone" doesn’t necessarily mean literal death but could symbolize emotional self-sufficiency, suggesting that women should be prepared to live without depending on anyone emotionally.

Summary:

Eunice de Souza’s poem Advice to Women offers a sharp, ironic take on relationships, urging women to maintain their independence and self-respect. The poem opens with a deceptively simple suggestion: “Keep cats.” On the surface, this seems like lighthearted advice, but it carries a deeper meaning. Cats are self-sufficient, independent creatures that do not seek constant validation or cling to neglectful owners. By drawing this comparison, the poet subtly advises women to adopt a similar attitude in relationships—valuing their own worth and walking away from situations where they are not treated well.

The poem critiques the emotional disappointments that often come with romantic relationships, particularly when men fail to meet expectations of affection and commitment. Instead of investing too much emotional energy in partners who may be indifferent or neglectful, women are encouraged to prioritize their own well-being. Just as a cat does not beg for love, the poet suggests that women, too, should not sacrifice their dignity in search of affection.

Through this metaphor, the poem challenges traditional notions of love and dependency, advocating for self-reliance over emotional vulnerability. The tone is both humorous and critical, using irony to highlight how societal norms often pressure women to seek fulfillment through relationships. Ultimately, de Souza’s message is clear: rather than clinging to unfulfilling love, women should embrace their independence and self-worth, much like the graceful, unbothered nature of a cat.

Themes: 

Eunice de Souza’s Advice to Women is a feminist poem that explores themes of independence, emotional detachment, self-respect, and the reality of love through the metaphor of cats. Below are the key themes:

1. Female Independence and Self-Sufficiency

The poem begins with the advice:

“Keep cats / if you want to learn to cope with / the otherness of lovers.”

Here, cats symbolize independence and self-reliance. Unlike dogs, which are loyal and dependent, cats are emotionally self-sufficient. De Souza suggests that women should adopt the same attitude—not relying on men for emotional fulfillment.

2. The Reality of Love and Emotional Detachment

The poet warns that love often involves “otherness”—the feeling of emotional distance in relationships. She states:

“Otherness is not always neglect.”

This line suggests that emotional detachment does not always mean indifference or rejection. Love does not always bring constant attention or reassurance, and women should learn to accept this reality instead of becoming overly dependent on their partners.

3. The Importance of Boundaries

“Cats return to their litter trays / when they need to.”

This line suggests that just as cats maintain their own space and habits, women should establish personal boundaries in relationships. They should not lose themselves in love but remain self-aware and independent.

4. The Futility of Defending a Man’s Actions

“Don't cuss out of the window / at their enemies.”

Here, the poet advises against blindly defending a lover, much like a cat does not engage in unnecessary fights. Women should not waste their energy protecting or justifying men’s behavior when it does not serve their well-being.

5. Facing Loneliness and Mortality with Strength

The poem ends with:

“That stare of perpetual surprise / in those great green eyes / will teach you / to die alone.”

The cat’s unbothered gaze symbolizes acceptance of solitude. The phrase “die alone” is not necessarily tragic—it implies self-sufficiency and the ability to live without fearing loneliness. De Souza suggests that women should embrace solitude rather than seeking fulfillment through relationships.

Conclusion

Through sharp irony and metaphor, Advice to Women challenges traditional gender roles and promotes emotional independence. The poet urges women to value themselves, set boundaries, and accept solitude rather than becoming dependent on love for validation.

Eunice De Souza's "Advice To Women" As A Feminist Poem:

Eunice de Souza’s Advice to Women is a feminist poem that challenges traditional gender roles and societal expectations of women in relationships. Through the metaphor of cats, de Souza conveys a powerful message about female independence, emotional resilience, and self-worth.

1. Rejection of Female Dependence on Men

The poem begins with the advice:

“Keep cats / if you want to learn to cope with / the otherness of lovers.”

Here, cats symbolize independence—unlike dogs, they do not crave constant affection. Similarly, the poet suggests that women should not define themselves through relationships. This challenges the traditional belief that a woman’s happiness depends on male validation.

2. Critique of Gender Expectations in Love

De Souza warns that love often involves emotional distance:

“Otherness is not always neglect.”

Women are often expected to nurture relationships and seek emotional closeness, while men are allowed to be detached. The poet critiques this imbalance, encouraging women to accept that love does not always provide security.

3. Encouraging Self-Sufficiency

“Cats return to their litter trays / when they need to.”

This metaphor suggests that just as cats maintain their own routines, women should establish their own boundaries and self-care. The poet promotes self-reliance rather than the traditional idea that women must sacrifice their needs for a relationship.

4. Challenging the Role of Women as Defenders of Men

“Don’t cuss out of the window / at their enemies.”

Women are often expected to support and defend men, even when it is not in their best interest. The poet advises against blind loyalty, suggesting that women should prioritize themselves instead of fighting unnecessary battles for their partners.

5. Acceptance of Solitude and Emotional Strength

The final lines reinforce the idea that women do not need to fear being alone:

“That stare of perpetual surprise / in those great green eyes / will teach you / to die alone.”

While society often stigmatizes single women, de Souza presents solitude as a form of strength, not tragedy. The cat’s gaze symbolizes contentment, teaching women to embrace self-sufficiency rather than seeking fulfillment through relationships.

Conclusion

As a feminist poem, Advice to Women rejects traditional gender roles, challenges societal expectations of love, and promotes female independence. De Souza empowers women to prioritize their own well-being rather than seeking validation through relationships. The poem ultimately redefines loneliness as strength, making it a powerful feminist statement.

Symbols:

Eunice de Souza’s Advice to Women is a short yet powerful feminist poem that critiques traditional gender roles and emphasizes female independence. The poem uses symbolism to highlight themes of self-reliance, emotional detachment, and self-respect in relationships. By using cats as a central metaphor, de Souza encourages women to embrace solitude, set boundaries, and not depend on men for emotional fulfillment.

Key Symbols in the Poem:

1. Cats – Symbol of Female Independence

The opening line “Keep cats if you want to learn to cope with the otherness of lovers” suggests that cats represent independence and emotional self-sufficiency. Unlike dogs, which are loyal and dependent, cats do not seek constant affection. Similarly, women should avoid becoming overly attached to their lovers.

2. Litter Trays – Symbol of Boundaries

“Cats return to their litter trays when they need to” signifies the importance of personal boundaries. Just as cats instinctively return to their designated space, women must maintain their own identity and self-respect in relationships.

3. Enemies Outside the Window – Symbol of Misplaced Loyalty

The line “Don’t cuss out of the window at their enemies” warns women against blindly defending their partners. It suggests that women should not waste energy protecting men who may not value them in return.

4. Great Green Eyes – Symbol of Awareness and Wisdom

“That stare of perpetual surprise in those great green eyes” represents self-awareness and clarity. Cats observe their surroundings without unnecessary emotional attachment. Similarly, women should approach love with wisdom and caution, rather than blind devotion.

5. Dying Alone – Symbol of Strength and Emotional Independence

“Will teach you to die alone” does not imply loneliness, but rather emotional strength. It reinforces the idea that a woman’s happiness should not be dependent on a man, and that solitude can be a source of power rather than fear.

Conclusion

Through these symbols, de Souza delivers a strong feminist message about self-respect, independence, and emotional resilience. The poem encourages women to prioritize themselves, accept solitude without fear, and set boundaries in love. By using the metaphor of cats, the poet critiques societal expectations and redefines strength as the ability to be alone without losing one’s identity.

Literary Devices: 

Eunice de Souza’s Advice to Women employs various literary devices to reinforce its themes of independence, emotional detachment, and self-sufficiency. Below are the key literary devices used in the poem:

1. Metaphor – The poet compares women to cats, symbolizing independence and self-reliance. The lines “Keep cats / if you want to learn to cope with / the otherness of lovers” suggest that, like cats, women should not rely on constant affection but should maintain their individuality in relationships.

2. Symbolism – Cats represent emotional detachment, self-sufficiency, and resilience. The line “They return to their litter trays / when they need to” symbolizes personal boundaries, suggesting that women should prioritize their independence in love.

3. Irony – The title Advice to Women suggests traditional relationship guidance, but instead of promoting dependence, the poem advises women to detach emotionally and embrace solitude. This unexpected perspective challenges societal norms and reinforces the poem’s feminist message.

4. Imagery – The poet uses vivid images to strengthen the message. The line “That stare of perpetual surprise / in those great green eyes” illustrates a cat’s indifferent attitude, reinforcing the idea of accepting solitude rather than fearing it. Similarly, “Don’t cuss out of the window / at their enemies” suggests that women should not waste energy defending men unnecessarily.

5. Free Verse – The poem lacks a fixed rhyme scheme or meter, reflecting the theme of independence. Just as the poem resists traditional poetic structures, it encourages women to break free from societal expectations and embrace self-sufficiency.

Conclusion

Through metaphor, symbolism, irony, and imagery, de Souza effectively conveys a strong feminist message. The use of free verse further reinforces the theme of breaking free from restrictions, making Advice to Women a powerful critique of traditional gender roles.

                               Presented By : Aninda Manna